Blown Away

When I was sixteen I was consumed by the idea that my life was excruciating, miserable and otherwise unlivable because my parents "forced" me to drive a 1983 toyota cressida station wagon (turquoise, with turquoise interior). Other concerns included never having a homecoming date, being too intelligent/mature (as far as I could tell) for my high school classes and wondering if I'd ever get asked out by one of the senior boys that only talked to my more beautiful (but obviously less entertaining) friends.

Meet Marina. A sixteen year-old woman that even with a college degree and seven or eight years of life experience on her, makes me feel humble, reverential, awestruck and inspired. Marina lives in a "low-income" community in a tiny apartment with her younger brother and mother. She is brilliant and articulate in two languages and manages to be as vulnerable and insecure in her adolescence as she is confident and assertive in her womanhood. She is remarkable. She is the type of young
woman that reminds me how lucky I have been to always have had a voice in the world. She also reminds me
that so many women like her, who could change the world with their insight and observation, don't have such a voice, and in her case, even if they have one, they don't have the space to express it.

While filming a movie about the invisibility of Latina women in the media I interviewed Marina. The interview itself was an afterthought, she wasn't even on the list of people to talk to because she didn't represent the type of image I was targeting. In all of my righteous attempts to unveil the stereotypes and marginalization of Latina women in the media, there I was, stereotyping, essentializing. Assuming that I wouldn't get a usable response, half-paying attention and mostly rushed, I asked Marina what she thought about latinas in the media. My writing could never do justice to the subsequent five hours or so, but it should serve as sufficient to say that Marina's testimony formed the entire framework for the film, and in its early stages of exhibition, has been its most influential aspect. Even those that have been most critical of the film's character and composition, have wondered, who is that girl, and where and how did she become so intelligent, well-spoken, inspiring, perceptive and so on.

Marina is exceptional. But in the weeks since the completion of the movie I have thought alot about her voice on camera and her perspective in real life, and have wondered how many other young women are waking up every day with similar ideas, critiques and analyses and are walking through their lives without a single place or person in which or with which to express them. At some intersection of my culture and privilege is the space where my opinion and insight have always mattered. I learned at a very early age that what I had to say was important and that there was always going to be someone around
to listen to it, validate it, and confirm that my process of thought and interpretation was legitimate. And
although I've spent alot of time feeling guilty and ashamed of what all of that amounts to, I have come to consider that my time might be better spent trying to pass that on to the women in my life who haven't had this type of fortune.

I have this image in my mind of a transformative space, of a forum that is so real to me I can see and experience it. I see groups of young women, getting together and talking about the things that are meaningful in their everyday experience. It is not particularly academic or formalized, simply just an environment in which young women can say what it is that's occupying their minds in those spaces that have been preserved from the influx and influence of Laguna Beach marathons, American Idol and every fashion magazine on the planet telling them that they how to look, think and behave.

I think it would be earth shattering to give young women an oppurtunity to express how they feel, who they are and what they see in the world. Maybe it's with words, or artwork or a videocamera, or maybe it's in a way I don't even understand, but I think there is something incredibly powerful in Marina's voice that undoubtedly resonates in the hearts of all sorts of other young women. I think it is incredibly valuable and significant because it is the truth. It is a truth we can't deny or shy away from. It's a truth that isn't coming from a source we can easily discredit and fail to confront, it's a truth that is coming from experience, emotion and authenticity and I think it is the type of truth that has the potential to change the world.

Starting today I am making a vow to myself and the young women in my life that if they have something to say I will listen, and that I will do my best in my life to create pathways through which they can navigate their thoughts to keep the conversation going. I have no doubt that in whatever emerges from these conversations I will be nothing less than blown away.